Looking for Pluto

House Flower

Dancing ballet in space

Sam knew something was different the moment he stepped out of the airplane and couldn’t smell the air. Down a long corridor that looked like the Red Sea after Moses went through, Sam came up on a wide hall with no walls, just endless horizon in every direction. The floor was a beige color polished to a mirror shine; everything hovered above it, especially the people! These people, women as delicate as men and men as beautiful as women; in their white robes over spring complexion, they dotted the endless dome with smiles for welcome mat. They all seem to beckon Sam to come, past them and into the clouds.

Sam kept walking, carried by some quantum force until he came upon a train draped in white feathers. Crossing into it, Sam reached in his pocket for fare. But there was no ticket booth inside, and he didn’t see anyone else making any attempt to pay. Instead each passenger glided to a seat with soft cushion pillows. Sam followed their lead and did the same. He didn’t know the train was moving until the world started moving backward. Few minutes later the sun vanished into complete darkness. Before his mind could tell his body to freak out, the sun reappeared; barren trees with pines for leaves appeared; through the trees and behind perfectly manicured lawns and bushes coiffured into bouquets, roofless houses appeared. Then at a distance blue green and clear glass somethings shot up into the sky like spears.

As the spears got closer, they proved to be houses, houses as high as the eyes could see! At the station where most passengers got off, Sam followed their lead. He quickly realized, on the sidewalks the people were walking like cars few feet away on the street– the goers to the left, the comers to the right. Sam fell in line with the goers.

We are Minnesotans, so I bet you want to hear about the weather. Well, at 74 degrees the temperature was perfect! The sky was blue, just few lonely clouds. The wind was ever so light. Sam didn’t notice any. Just what good weather is, unremarkable.

Passing under a tree, Sam looked up and noticed a $100 bill hanging from a branch. He stopped, looked around, and noticing no one watching him, he reached up and broke the bill from the branch. He looked around the tree for some more. But there was no more, just green and burgundy leaves waving in the breeze. It must be the end of the season!

About a mile from the tree, he came upon a burgundy colored Lincoln MKZ with cream interior. The doors were unlocked with the keys dangling in the ignition. Not wanting to make a fool of himself, risk arrest, or a mob of vigilante with tires ready to burn, he lingered around for a while. Until he saw a young girl in long boots and short shorts walk up to a car and pulled the handle. Ninety seconds later, she was gone. Fifteen seconds later, Sam walked to the driver’s side of the Lincoln and casually pulled the door handle. Fifty five seconds later, he turned left at King and Washington.

At Mega Food, Sam had no reason to doubt the slogan, “everything you need on the face of the planet.” There were 23 brands of everything; from toilet paper to timber, wheat to jet fuel, shoes and tires, a mile long aisle of bread of all sorts; another mile long aisle of cat and dog food, apples galore, more fish than there are in the ocean; Sam couldn’t see the end of the meat aisle. He asked why they were selling water (of 99 types and 66 sizes) when two fountains sat by the doors dispensing what appears to be perfectly good water. But the customer simply smiled, nod their head and pushed their cart away. There was peanut: shelled (plain, roasted and salted), de-shelled (Spanish and 77 other varieties), caramelized (with popcorn and 55 other nuts), paste (creamy and chunky, natural and organic. Which made him wonder if the others not so labeled were plastic.). A peanut lover, Sam nearly fainted from indecision. He ran full speed out of the store to catch his breath. He came back few minutes later and quickly grabbed a small bag of honey glazed peanuts and ran back out.

He got in another car and drove around for a while, wondering what was the color of clay, since all the ground was either tarred, paved or covered with grass. Where are the military with their machine guns in hands, where are the beggars, the crazies, the street vendors… the black smoke cars leak behind? He came up on a sign that said all “you can eat”, and decided to take them up on the challenge. Inside there were giant bowls of chicken separated into dark and white meat. Sam had never considered chicken to be either. A drum size chunk of meat lay on a carving board with a dagger and a pitchfork. Sam wondered what part of the cow that was, at the same time scared of what that cow might have looked like. Shrimp, crab, lobster, fish, pork, pasta of mind-bugling varieties, so many different types of lettuce, sundae, pudding, sorbet…what is coconut ice cream? He didn’t ask. He followed the other competitors’ lead and grabbed a bucket. He filled it high with chicken and found a booth in a corner from whence he could observe the other competitors and learn from their moves. That’s how he noticed her. As the bucket got lighter and the bones piled high, he saw her behind three buckets, a mountain of bones and a 3 gallon glass of soda. She was the most beautiful being he’d ever seen. Round and white the color of pearl, she filled the booth with her soft skin.

Short story short, they ended up at her place. She mounted him and he liked it! Two three times and she still asked for more. He delivered, and she still buried him in her sheets. Seeing there was no satiating her, he jumped out of the bathroom window half naked and took off running.

Of course the neighbor saw him. Of course she called the police. Of course it took the police only 10 minutes to spot the half-naked Black guy walking in this exclusively White neighborhood. He tried to slide his $100 into the cop’s hand, but he pushed him on the car and put the cuffs extra tight just for good measure. When he told them his name, they knew they had the man they were looking for, the guy the FBI was on high alert for, homeland security was scrambling for, customs was chasing after, the whole police force was desperately searching for. This Samuel Mugandi was the figure who walked out of the airport like a ghost without clearing customs.

Those two cops called the station, their chief called the local FBI, who in turn called 935 Pennsylvania Avenue in DC, and finally Michael Chertoff was able to close his eyes and drift to his dream place. Of course Sam got a free ride back to wherever he came from. And as we speak he has children gathered around him as he recount the day he spent in heaven, a place where dogs are gods and human earn their wings by collecting their feces.

Written by IBé in: Weekly Shorts |

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