Divine Intervention

He put God on hold. I swear he did. Even he couldn’t believe it. Hell, even God was surprised. Well as much as that is possible.

Like many men Abe never thought he would actually meet God. At least not as long as he was alive. Encounters with God only happen in the Bible and D movies. Abe thought his life was much too real for either of those. So of course when the caller said “I believe you know me as God’” Abe couldn’t help chuckling. Ok dude you going to crack jokes before asking me how I’m going to take care of that bill? But he was not sure any telemarketer was dumb enough to call strangers and even before identifying themselves decides to crack a joke, especially a joke involving God. You know people are really sensitive about their gods. So Abe thought maybe it was one of his friends. Though he couldn’t imagine any of his friends faking a South African accent that well. So he quieted his laughter to give the caller a chance to get to the punch line.

“Interesting,” the caller said, “I got a very different reaction from Moses. Martin too.”

Abe was not amused. But he decided to play along. Besides it’s not like he had much to do. He’d recently literally ran away from his job on rumors that it was about to be raided by immigration. So now he spends his time at home looking out the window and contemplating his next move. So why not, if some idiot wants to play God, he had some time to indulge them. “So God, how many people have you killed today.” “Seriously, that’s what you are going to ask me? Why not how many lives I have created today? Saved today? Blessed today? Unbelievable,” the caller grumbled “it is always about the negative.” “I wonder who’s fault is that.” “Whose fault is that? Are you really trying to go there? Maybe I should just hang up now.” “What, you mean to tell me you didn’t see this coming? Mmmm, who did you say you were again?” “Okay, let’s get this over with. What must I do to make you believe I am that am? My, how they’ve lost faith,” the caller mumbled again. “Lost faith? My, how you’ve abandoned us.” “Look outside: your worst nightmare.”

Abe thought whatever, but he decided to anyway, thinking what could his worst nightmare be at the time if not two ICE agents walking up to his door. When he got to the window, not knowing exactly what to expect but fearing it nonetheless, he stood at the corner and pulled the blinds ever so slightly. To his surprise, not only there were no ICE agents marching up to his apartment, the walnut tree was gone, the usual parked cars were not either. Instead of little piles of melting black snow and shrubs trying on the new spring to see if it fits, he stared inside a very familiar looking courtyard.

There was his father, under a shade, a radio by his side, smoking a pipe full of his own hand picked tobacco. His mother was by the outdoor oven with smoke in her hair, some of his younger brothers and sisters were playing a card game under the olive tree. Abe’s mind jolted back, like what the fuck! But he was stuck. Either he’d lost all strength in his body or his feet were nailed to the ground. His father looked up at him and smiled, his mother’s expression was a little hard to explain, but it was definitely content and delight. His older brother emerged from his room, winked at him on his way out.

Abe fell back and into one of his dinning room chairs. That indeed was his worst nightmare, being back home with his family at that very moment. Don’t get him wrong, he loved his family and missed them dearly. But both he and them knew seeing each other at the moment would not be a reunion, because Abe didn’t come to America simply to get an education and return. He came to stay, and only planned to visit. And visiting is good only when you have your return visa. Abe didn’t.

“Are you still there?” God’s voice came from everywhere and nowhere. “Did you do that?” “I do everything,” was God’s reply. “Can I put you on hold?” Was the best Abe could come up with. Putting God on hold was pointless since he was no longer coming through the phone, but Abe didn’t realize this, and went through the motion of clicking the mute button on the phone. God played along.

The best Abe could come up with was that he was having a dream. So he decided to go to the bathroom. He hoped this would wake his body up, because Abe of all people knew what could happen if you actually peed in a dream. You would wake up in a puddle in your own bed. So he did, went to the bathroom, unzipped his pants, held out his penis, hoping any moment now he would open his eyes in his bed. He pushed himself, and out came a stream of pee down to the toilet. He still didn’t wake up. He continued, for what seemed like eternity. Still nothing. He finished, shook his penis and shoved it back inside his pants,

Back in the living room, he took the phone back from the coffee table and clicked the mute button off. “Ok, what is this about?” “Your life, what else?” “What about it, am I dead or dying?” “Death feels a lot different my friend. You are at an important junction, but it’s not a rock and a hard place. You are standing in front of a rock and thinking it is the only path. Jessica Scholermeyer is not your salvation, she is your temptation.”

Abe knew Jessica as the girl that was practically obsessed with him, a girl he slept with twice–once because he felt he had to prove his manhood, and again because he was vulnerable; the girl who said she would marry him to keep him in the country. The girl he was seriously considering marrying because his girlfriend was an international student soon to be in a situation similar to his. That’s like two negatives hoping for a positive. Only if the world was a multiplication problem. Unfortunately it’s not.

“Your nightmare is not nearly as bad. It could easily be a disguise. Remember, birds don’t fly because they have wings. They do because they jump.” Long pause. “That’s it, that’s all you called for? Couldn’t you have simply made me choose what you think I should choose?” “Then you would not always know it to be right, or that I made you choose it. Every now and then I have found it necessary to show my voice or resort to silly tricks to prove my presence.”

Written by IBĂ© in: Weekly Shorts | Tags: , , , ,

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